All Fun and Games...

When did we become a society in which it is okay to be physically and verbally abused and bullied? Why have we become so comfortable with disrespecting each other and with being disrespected? How does not allowing others to be racist just for the sake of being racist via hipster irony suddenly mean that you're soft?

These are questions I asked myself as I had a conversation with a friend last night. There is a chat room we both frequent that recently made it a rule that members will be banned from the room if they spout racism in any way, which includes calling people racial/ethnic slurs. My friend was actually UPSET by this new rule, and basically equated it to the chat moderators becoming "soft".

And this is where we have the conflict. Now, we're both raised in the South Bronx, so "n*gga" is thrown around every 0.2 seconds in a sentence for the most part. Unfortunately it has become a part of our slang, and some people look at it that way to take away the power of the word. But what they don't realize is that words have different meanings to different people. It may not have as much effect on a brother from the block who isn't racially and culturally sensitive, but to a brother who's from the South, has experienced racism more, and is more racially and culturally sensitive, what makes you think he's not angered hearing and being addressed by that word not only from a bigot, but from his own people as well? And also, when you step out of the bubble that is your neighborhood, there ARE other races who just MIGHT be more racially aware than YOU, who don't feel comfortable with you addressing others and yourself as an ethnic slur, and wonders why the fuck YOU feel so comfortable with it. Ever thought of THAT???

Probably not. And it's your limited thinking that will be your downfall.

To be continued.

Still too guarded. Still too selfish. Always thinking of no one but yourself. Doubting. Unsure. Uncertain. Weak. What is wrong with you, you cunt?!

Bah, the rain always puts me in a contemplative, down mood. Leaves me vulnerable to all the doubts and fears I have. I need to get better at the Glad Game.

I have to re-tweak my workout to include abs and core work, and more glute focus. My legs are bigger than my ass. Ay, no bueno!

I've been mulling over this idea for the longest. I'm gonna keep a workout progress report on this random blog. May include pics if I'm brave enough. Cheerio!

A Hidden Contagion

Do you or someone you know suffer from a condition known as "Attention Succubus Syndrome"?

Yes. While this term was created by me right at this moment, it's a condition that's been around for YEARS, but has cases have been steadily on the rise since the dawn of social networking on the internet. The symptoms range from making large ambiguous status messages on social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace, dumping a whole BUNCH of clusterfucks, stories, and emotions on the unfortunate bystander who happens to offer their time to help said sufferer, and going against sound advice from said poor bystander, making them feel like they have lost minutes from their life that cannot be salvaged.

Judging from these symptoms, is there someone out there you know who is suffering from Attention Succubus Syndrome? Maybe....someone you know PERSONALLY?

This disease, if left unchecked, is proven to be a silent killer of even the best of friendships. So, it seems that task of making this disease know to the public is mine, and thus, here I am.

I am here passing on what I believe will be helpful information to you all out there, because I fell prey to someone who exhibited symptoms of Attention Succubus Syndrome. They made a status update on Facebook that just screamed, "Someone please read this and inquire about me!", and, sure enough, I took the bait. I let this person unload all of these so-called "revelations" about a friend I've known for quite some time, and I was told some shocking and what's proven to be, relationship-altering things, about said friend. So I did my best to console her, and to help her move on with her life, so on and so forth, and it's been about maybe a month or two after said revelations were dropped on my lap. And guess what's happened?

They're back to being the bestest of friends.

As if just a month or two ago, this person didn't feel that my friend took advantage of them, forced sex from them, and put them through an enormous amount of emotional stress.

I look at this and I wonder....Why the fuck did you waste my time spewing all these negative feelings about this person when all it would take was a long talk and an apology for things to go back like they were?!! Why tell me shit, have me waste time I could've used talking to my man AND my woman giving YOU support, comfort, and giving what advice/counsel I could for you to use, for you to just do the OPPOSITE?!!

Sigh.

So, my fellow citizens, for your peace of mind, if you know someone who has Attention Succubus Syndrome, do yourself a favor, and put that person in their place. Only good can come of you telling them of the disease they have so they may take steps to receiving treatment.

As for me, I have this to say. If you come to me to discuss a certain issue or problem and are not ready to even ponder a solution to said issue/problem, or if you're looking for a solution that is less bumpy, please don't waste my goddamn time. I'm not in the art of enabling people to be victims to their own weaknesses. I don't expect anyone to allow me to be that way, therefore, do not expect me to do so for you. And if you're not ready for what will most likely be a hard road ahead on the path of change, again, I beg you, DON'T. Waste. My fucking time.

I understand that most times, we all need to vent, rant, and let off steam/burdens from our shoulders. But, know that at some point, the person who is giving you their ear/shoulder is going to want to help you get to a solution. Maybe it won't come fast. Maybe it will. I know that I'm definitely one who doesn't enjoy seeing my friends suffer, and will do my best to help my friend come to some sort of resolution for their problem, but if you're just going to throw away what I've said and the time I took to be there for you, just because you're afraid to let go of this person, just leave me out of it. To see this does nothing but take your feelings and what you've told me with the smallest grains of salt, not to mention you will lose A LOT of my respect.

This is Dr. Minkia Jetset, and I approve of this message.

Another dose of "Random Rambles"

Oh, yea...I forgot to mention that I found my BB Curve. In my gym bag. Yea....this is what happens when you try to plan ahead, kids!

Also, I'm never one to flat out say that one's religion is totally unnecessary and that the world would be better off without it, but Islam and being a Muslim?

Yea. That's a man made religion that does nothing more than promote misogyny and gives people license to take the lives of others over some fanatical interpretation of "holy text".

Something just came around....

I can't find this goddamned BB Curve, and it pisses me off.

It pisses me off because I can't remember if I placed it back on my laptop before going to sleep last night.

I'm pissed because I left my door open a crack to get a little more air circulating in my room so I wouldn't bake to death last night. And because I did that, I don't know if my room was violated once again by my piece of shit supposed uncle.

I know life gives and takes and all, but goddammit, I actually liked that phone. I thought I appreciated having it, but I guess Lord Karma saw something inside me lacking and is adamant on teaching me a lesson. So yea. It seems I have no choice but to ride this out and see what it teaches me. But where am I lacking? Humility? Am I too judgmental? Selfish? Self-centered?

I'm not sure what the lesson is, but...the punishment feels quite potent.

Dose of Randomness 6/21

The Lords of Karma have come for me.
I have a HUGE DEBT to pay for not cleaning my room.
My beloved BB Curve is trapped in the Negative Zone which is my room, and I must wage war, BLOODY WAR, to get it back.

Also, I cut my hair again. Extremely shorter than the last time. It will take much time to grow back, but it's hot, and I'm lovin' it! I'll be looking SHARP for my high school 90s reunion this Saturday night.

Also, I'm bi.

Yes, I said it. Now (learn to) eat it, like me.

Lost in the Mist, can see my way through....

I just feel like I"m in a fog right now.

Mental fog, if you will.

It's probably because I'm attempting too much at once, which is usually followed by me burning out and going into a fog, hole, if you will.

Gym workout wasn't going to well last week. Have been back since Wednesday.
Stressed out about my eating habits.
I'm too tired/lazy/stressed to cook dinner when I get home.
I'm very unfocused and unmotivated right now.

I need to snap out of this, it's keeping me from getting shit done.

Plans for the Year

So, my girl and I were having a discussion about education. It dawned on me that if I want to live anywhere outside the US, I'd really need that bachelor's. Damn it all. Then I thought, why not just build on what I'm doing now, so I can get a better position for better money possibly? And, on top of that, have the 4-yr credentials to do it anywhere, nationally and internationally?

BANG.

So, I'm going to look into Berkeley College. I'm an office worker, an admin assistant, though I do much more than that. I could build up those skills so I can support myself better, and support my love, drawing, and possibly become more proficient in my other love, the Japanese language.

So, what about the timeline?

I've just sent off a request for information on Berkeley for Business Administration. If it's possible for me to get back for the Fall 2010 semester, that would be awesome, but if not, the smart thing would to go for Spring 2011. I kinda feel that Fall 2010 would be rushing it, but we'll see how it goes once I have the information I need.

Now, about that art thing...correspondence courses? I think that's still the general idea. I saw two peeps of mine who are in the art/comics field last week. Got my resolve going. Can't give up. I'll figure out what to do with this gift somehow. I just wonder if I should be in a class setting or go ahead with the correspondence courses. I'll be making up my mind about that soon; if I can find some non-credit courses and fit them into my schedule or even on the weekends, that would work big time.

So, that's the 'plan' so far. Also, I'll finally, FAAAIIIIINALLY, will be rid of my old SEARS debt by March. That's right, screw paying 100/month. I've got it down to a good amount that two payments of 260 and change will get this burden off my back. The c-note I send to THEM can go in my SAVINGS account. YIPPIE!!

Yes. There. These are all good plans, and I'm stickin' by them. Wish me luck.

Random Ramblings...gotta get it out....

Hmm. Why no response?

Are you overly busy?

Do you need space?

Am I a fucking mind-reader?

Or maybe I expect too much....but yet when nobody hears anything from me, people feel that I've withdrawn from them.

Is there a thing such as asking too much?

Are you trying to test me, to see what I will do, over YOUR expectations on how I 'should' act?

I really hate when people 'TEST' you. I'm not a fucking lab animal, goddammit.

You want me to reach out to you, and you want me to come to you, but then when I do, you make yourself unavailable. Hmm....

Or...maybe I'm demanding too much emotionally. It would kinda help if I knew what was going on. Nobody's responding to me when I IM or text them. And I REFUSE to be the bad guy and nag the fuck out of people...just so they can call me needy or clingy or whatever.

I know that you should give your partner space....sometimes, they won't be available to talk to you all the time. So...good thing this blog's here to get all this insecure shit out of me. It just feels weird after staying in contact all the time.

Heh.

Oh well. Gotta get ready for work and gym in the morning.