Monday, October 19, 2009

So random I don't even have a catchy title for this post...

So I realized that I haven't posted anything random in here in a while. can I say? What's on my mind?

Oh...the fact that I can't wash clothes because my grandmother let her waste of an ovum son use the goddamn washing machine. So, thanks to HER constant enabling of this crackhead mothafucka, I have to spend most likely $15-$20 to go to the laundromat to wash my clothes.

You see, when I don't fuck with shit in the house, everything is cool. But whenever grandmom messes with something, or she lets that failed abortion in the house, shit just happens. And yet I think a part of me that feels sorry for her compels me to stay here with her. But I need to be free of this place again, and soon. I remember my mom saying that I need to talk to my grand about things, but why?

Why the fuck should I tell her ANYTHING, none the less how I feel about shit she's doing? Its not like its going to change anything. She will STILL do what she feels she has to do, even if it stresses her out. Everything that comes out of that man's mouth when he talks sounds like nothing but shit with a touch of self hatred and the desire to make other just as miserable as him, and have people feel sorry for him; he has the WORST case of entitlement.

Grr, maybe I should stop talking about it, because it just takes me to darker places. It makes me wonder how I haven't killed him, put him out of his misery. It would be different if he were in jail or in a treatment program, but...nothing. Just out on the streets, or staying with someone, but no job, no desire for one, asking people for money, yknow...fucking BUM status. It just boggles me how others can put up with this kind of bullshit.

With all this stuff around me, its a wonder I can even feel emotion for family at all.

I feel there with them, but not really there.

I wonder what Thanksgiving will be like.

Nobody better even THINK about hitting me up for money.

*sigh* Ok, I REALLY should stop.

Hmm, what else is on my mind?

I hate that I can't masturbate for the next six days because of my menstrual.

I hate that my couple live so far, so all I CAN do is masturbate until I see them again.

If this is all coming off as if I'm just thinking about would be right, I'm fucking horny for once on the second day of my period, instead of being in bed, in a horrible amount of pain, doped up on Motrin, crying for my mother under the covers.

Hmm. I guess that's enough random shit for tonight, I want some Cocoa Krispies before I head to bed.

Night all.