This letter is more of a catharsis for me, because though I will never say this things to the person it's about, it gets so hard to endure carrying all these feelings and they cant go anywhere really. So, here goes:
I hope everything is going well for you. First off I want to say that i'm sorry for lying to you all this time. making you think I was talking about someone else when I'd be down about having feelings for someone....and all this time, the person i was describing was YOU. Always has been. It's really my fault for developing feelings in the first place. Just couldn't help it as I got to know you and you got to know me more. I know you could never anything more for me other than what you do feel and I'm okay with it...well I have no other choice to really lol. I got nothing but love for you as a friend and I don't ever want to lose that. it's hard enough now being able to be open with people since I've been hurt so much. I feel dishonest for not being able to tell you how I really feel, but I feel that it would just make things more complicated. They're complicated enough. It hurts that I know there's someone that you'd rather be with than me, it sucks that I'm the one you're not really into, and that you'd never be into me seriously. And it sucks that I can never tell you these things, that you'd never feel the same, and that you're so far away from me.
Hopefully I can put all this to rest and just look forward. maybe soon i can put all these sad feelings behind me, or just channel them into something positive. it just gets so hard keeping all of these things inside and away from you.