Family Matters

enable (verb): to provide (someone) with adequate power, means, opportunity, or authority (to do something)

I want to talk about this, and get my feelings on this subject out in the open. My family has dealt with members suffering from substance addiction for years. Some members of my family feel that to not help out family members who are addicts and to not put up with their bullshit is an act of outright hatred towards them, and therefore throwing them by the waste side. By helping out, I mean providing them monetary support, continuing to let them reside in their home even after having their personal space violated numerous times, things like that.

First off, if their lives are being endangered in front of you and you wish to do something about it, that's fine. No way in hell I could stand by and watch a family member get beat up. That's understandable. But that other stuff I mentioned? That is not showing love. That is ENABLING the addict to continue living how they are. No matter how much they say they want to change, if they continue to stay in the element that is the source of their problems, continue to buy drugs from and borrow money from pushers with no way of paying it back....*sigh* Addiction is something that no person can defeat alone. That I can understand. But if there is anything I've learned over the years, is that love alone cannot cure addiction. It CAN'T. The addict HAS to get to their breaking point, or their BOTTOM. For some addicts, that happens quickly. For others, it takes years and years before hitting a bottom, if they're not dead.

I wonder if my fam would have limited my uncle's options sooner. Before more things were stolen from us, before he got beaten badly a couple months ago by people he owed money to, before those same pushers put glue into the locks of my apartment building and the top lock of my and my grandmother's apartment, which co-incided with his going to detox and not being around when this bullshit happened...I wonder if this all could have been averted a long time ago. But no matter. I hope he gets his shit together, but after being a victim and witness to his bullshit as an addict, I'm not waiting around for it.

There's something else that offends me as well. The subject of forgiveness. I understand why it is necessary. I feel that family forces it on you without allowing you to work through your pain, just for the sake of having everyone get along. This is something that I cannot abide by. I will not and cannot pretend that I am on good terms with someone when I'm not. I will not and cannot pretend that everything is cool btw myself and someone when I haven't forgiven them yet, and having it talked about around me gives me the idea that the idea is being crammed into my throat, and I don't take well to others' ideas being forced on me.

Family needs to deal with their shit, not brush it under a rug and think that love will make everything better and the bad times will just go away. Nothing ever "goes away", and to not resolve it weak and does nothing but breed resentment and contempt for fellow members. No matter how much you love someone, you cannot love their addiction away. In the end, the addict has to decide whether they want to get clean or spend the rest of their lives strung out. Now, if you want to really help the person, get them in a program. Do not enable the addict. Any type of support that doesn't help them to end their addiction does them no good. Sure, you prove your love, but you're telling the addict in the end that you will continue to accept them as they are, when what they are is not only affects them mentally, physically and emotionally, it affect YOU as well.

All Fun and Games...

When did we become a society in which it is okay to be physically and verbally abused and bullied? Why have we become so comfortable with disrespecting each other and with being disrespected? How does not allowing others to be racist just for the sake of being racist via hipster irony suddenly mean that you're soft?

These are questions I asked myself as I had a conversation with a friend last night. There is a chat room we both frequent that recently made it a rule that members will be banned from the room if they spout racism in any way, which includes calling people racial/ethnic slurs. My friend was actually UPSET by this new rule, and basically equated it to the chat moderators becoming "soft".

And this is where we have the conflict. Now, we're both raised in the South Bronx, so "n*gga" is thrown around every 0.2 seconds in a sentence for the most part. Unfortunately it has become a part of our slang, and some people look at it that way to take away the power of the word. But what they don't realize is that words have different meanings to different people. It may not have as much effect on a brother from the block who isn't racially and culturally sensitive, but to a brother who's from the South, has experienced racism more, and is more racially and culturally sensitive, what makes you think he's not angered hearing and being addressed by that word not only from a bigot, but from his own people as well? And also, when you step out of the bubble that is your neighborhood, there ARE other races who just MIGHT be more racially aware than YOU, who don't feel comfortable with you addressing others and yourself as an ethnic slur, and wonders why the fuck YOU feel so comfortable with it. Ever thought of THAT???

Probably not. And it's your limited thinking that will be your downfall.

To be continued.

Still too guarded. Still too selfish. Always thinking of no one but yourself. Doubting. Unsure. Uncertain. Weak. What is wrong with you, you cunt?!

Bah, the rain always puts me in a contemplative, down mood. Leaves me vulnerable to all the doubts and fears I have. I need to get better at the Glad Game.

I have to re-tweak my workout to include abs and core work, and more glute focus. My legs are bigger than my ass. Ay, no bueno!

I've been mulling over this idea for the longest. I'm gonna keep a workout progress report on this random blog. May include pics if I'm brave enough. Cheerio!

A Hidden Contagion

Do you or someone you know suffer from a condition known as "Attention Succubus Syndrome"?

Yes. While this term was created by me right at this moment, it's a condition that's been around for YEARS, but has cases have been steadily on the rise since the dawn of social networking on the internet. The symptoms range from making large ambiguous status messages on social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace, dumping a whole BUNCH of clusterfucks, stories, and emotions on the unfortunate bystander who happens to offer their time to help said sufferer, and going against sound advice from said poor bystander, making them feel like they have lost minutes from their life that cannot be salvaged.

Judging from these symptoms, is there someone out there you know who is suffering from Attention Succubus Syndrome? Maybe....someone you know PERSONALLY?

This disease, if left unchecked, is proven to be a silent killer of even the best of friendships. So, it seems that task of making this disease know to the public is mine, and thus, here I am.

I am here passing on what I believe will be helpful information to you all out there, because I fell prey to someone who exhibited symptoms of Attention Succubus Syndrome. They made a status update on Facebook that just screamed, "Someone please read this and inquire about me!", and, sure enough, I took the bait. I let this person unload all of these so-called "revelations" about a friend I've known for quite some time, and I was told some shocking and what's proven to be, relationship-altering things, about said friend. So I did my best to console her, and to help her move on with her life, so on and so forth, and it's been about maybe a month or two after said revelations were dropped on my lap. And guess what's happened?

They're back to being the bestest of friends.

As if just a month or two ago, this person didn't feel that my friend took advantage of them, forced sex from them, and put them through an enormous amount of emotional stress.

I look at this and I wonder....Why the fuck did you waste my time spewing all these negative feelings about this person when all it would take was a long talk and an apology for things to go back like they were?!! Why tell me shit, have me waste time I could've used talking to my man AND my woman giving YOU support, comfort, and giving what advice/counsel I could for you to use, for you to just do the OPPOSITE?!!

Sigh.

So, my fellow citizens, for your peace of mind, if you know someone who has Attention Succubus Syndrome, do yourself a favor, and put that person in their place. Only good can come of you telling them of the disease they have so they may take steps to receiving treatment.

As for me, I have this to say. If you come to me to discuss a certain issue or problem and are not ready to even ponder a solution to said issue/problem, or if you're looking for a solution that is less bumpy, please don't waste my goddamn time. I'm not in the art of enabling people to be victims to their own weaknesses. I don't expect anyone to allow me to be that way, therefore, do not expect me to do so for you. And if you're not ready for what will most likely be a hard road ahead on the path of change, again, I beg you, DON'T. Waste. My fucking time.

I understand that most times, we all need to vent, rant, and let off steam/burdens from our shoulders. But, know that at some point, the person who is giving you their ear/shoulder is going to want to help you get to a solution. Maybe it won't come fast. Maybe it will. I know that I'm definitely one who doesn't enjoy seeing my friends suffer, and will do my best to help my friend come to some sort of resolution for their problem, but if you're just going to throw away what I've said and the time I took to be there for you, just because you're afraid to let go of this person, just leave me out of it. To see this does nothing but take your feelings and what you've told me with the smallest grains of salt, not to mention you will lose A LOT of my respect.

This is Dr. Minkia Jetset, and I approve of this message.