In other news, my legs feel tight still. Once I'm done with this, I've got to make-up the days I'm missing.

So they picked 16 potential jurors already. I'm holding onto the thought of going to work tomorrow to get me through this.

The Coffee Party is coming...

What is the Coffee Party, you ask? Simple. It is the antithesis of the Tea Party. It is the antithesis of the stench of apathy, the comfort with disrespect, and general lack of giving a shit that destroys us as a people and a country from within. Any post of specific happenings within our culture, especially ones that affect PoC (Black people more specifically) will be discussed under the heading of "The Coffee Party". Anytime you see a posting for The Coffee Party, you'll see the simple logo I designed for it that's on the bottom of this entry.

Worry not, though! I will still post up random things, as only I can. :)

P.S. I see now that when using Illustrator to save my stuff as jpgs, I'll have to up the setting from "high" to "maximum". Lesson learned!

Random Ish!! Friday Edition 5.20.2011

Couple things happened today:

-Wrestling legend "Macho Man" Randy Savage passed away today. People were tweeting about it today, but it was confirmed by TMZ that he suffered a heart attack while driving in his car, causing him to crash. We lost another great one, he will be missed. Oooooh YEAH! DIG IT?!!

-I fucking hate Canadian Customs for deciding to add a fucking COD charge to a package I sent to my loves up in Canada. Shoutouts to them, yo, EAT COCKS AND DIE!!!

-The racist so-called "Evolutionary Psychologist" Satoshi Kanazawa, who wrote the racist and sexist article for Psychology Today about why Black Women are less attractive, may actually lose his job teaching at London School of Economics, thanks to the students rallying for his dismissal. You can read more at these sites:

http://clutchmagonline.com/2011/05/karma-is-a-mutha-racist-psychologist-may-lose-job-over-least-attractive-article

Voice-Online

That's about it for now. I thought I'd go to a poetry reading tonight, but schoolwork and my funds spreading to bills and my plane ticket to Las Vegas in July have put me in a mood to go home, and...be a good student. LOL.

Random News!! 5.19.2011

I haven't been on this blog, or my self-improvement/catharsis blog, The Recession, for quite some time now. I've been busy with life: work, school, my relationship, working out, etc. So here's some news!

* I think that it's time that I retire my other blog, The Recession. Though I do continue to undergo changes and challenges on my journey of self-growth, but I no longer look at this journey with the negative outlook I've had for so long. So, I believe that The Recession has served its purpose, at least for now. Maybe I'll find a way to revamp it somehow; I wonder if I could change the name, but....even then, I think I'll leave it as is. It will serve as a reminder to me of how much I've learned and how far I've come from those darker days.

*I'm going to change the look and feel of this blog, since I'll do my best to post here a bit more. My original objective was to post up things randomly that came to mind, but I think I will use this blog for a MYRIAD amount of things, making it TRULY random. So it's possible that at one moment, I could be talking about something within pop culture, like the attacks against Black women in the media, and then at the next moment, talk about how much I love getting fucked with a strap-on and a dildo. You just never know.

*...and I do LOVE it, very much so. I MISS MY BESS AND OUR BIG BOY BLUE!

*I'm taking down Ed Lover as my MWOR mascot. Why? Because according to his latest edition of his videos series, Cmon SON #23, he co-signed Joe Budden domestically attacking his ex-girlfriend, Esther Baxter. And when Bossip interviewed Baxter and put up proof of the domestic abuse via photos and copies of a police report, I sent a tweet to Ed asking him if he'd seen that article, but he never got back to me. So...yeah. I hate being left to assume shit, but based on him having Joe on Cmon SON mocking Baxter and calling her a bitch, he's on Joe's team. I can't co-sign that. I've been contemplating for a week or so if I should un-follow him on Twitter, YouTube, and unlike his page on Facebook. We'll see.

That's all the random news for now. Stayed tuned for MORE!

Random Beauty Stuff

So, a while back ago, I decided to try out Iman's line of cosmetics and facial cleansers. The TIME CONTROL Gentle Foam Cleanser was good, but if I didn't use the Toner, my skin would stay dried out. The problems I've been having with my face is that if too much oils and such are on it, along with sweat from my workouts and hair product, I would start to break out.

About two weeks ago, I started using Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Lotion in the place of the IMAN Toner, and I've gotta say, I really LOVE it! Even with use of the toner, my skin would feel a bit dry still, and with use of makeup, I was starting to get dry spots on the sides of my mouth. Aveeno not only relieved my dry skin, it keep my skin moisturized for a full 24 hrs, like it says on the package!!

Since I had success with the lotion, I purchased Aveeno Ultra-Calming Foaming Cleanser, and it's SO much better on my skin! It cleanses my face without stripping as much moisture, to the point where I can use a very small amount of the Daily Moisturizing Lotion and my face won't get dry for the rest of the day.

I've also started using products from St. Ives, in particular, the Fresh Skin Make-up Remover and Facial Cleanser. It's creamy yet very gentle on my skin while removing make-up and dirt from my skin.

I'm also going to invest more in MAC Cosmetics. I have a foundation stick that is much closer to my actual skin tone, and today, I was made aware of a great concealer and softening lotion that I bought today. The Sephora powder I have gives me a darker, sorta toastier finish. I think I can minimalize it if I don't use too much of it since the foundation stick can be used all over my face.

I'm so happy. It seems like I have a nice face and makeup regimen to stick to, and since I'm going natural, I won't have greasy strands with product touching my face, clogging my pores, and giving me pimples. I feel good that I've gotten a pretty good handle over my face. Now, for the rest of my body....

Why am I becoming emotionally unavailable again? God I'm such a fucking stick in the mud. I really think I need some serious therapy.

Family Matters

enable (verb): to provide (someone) with adequate power, means, opportunity, or authority (to do something)

I want to talk about this, and get my feelings on this subject out in the open. My family has dealt with members suffering from substance addiction for years. Some members of my family feel that to not help out family members who are addicts and to not put up with their bullshit is an act of outright hatred towards them, and therefore throwing them by the waste side. By helping out, I mean providing them monetary support, continuing to let them reside in their home even after having their personal space violated numerous times, things like that.

First off, if their lives are being endangered in front of you and you wish to do something about it, that's fine. No way in hell I could stand by and watch a family member get beat up. That's understandable. But that other stuff I mentioned? That is not showing love. That is ENABLING the addict to continue living how they are. No matter how much they say they want to change, if they continue to stay in the element that is the source of their problems, continue to buy drugs from and borrow money from pushers with no way of paying it back....*sigh* Addiction is something that no person can defeat alone. That I can understand. But if there is anything I've learned over the years, is that love alone cannot cure addiction. It CAN'T. The addict HAS to get to their breaking point, or their BOTTOM. For some addicts, that happens quickly. For others, it takes years and years before hitting a bottom, if they're not dead.

I wonder if my fam would have limited my uncle's options sooner. Before more things were stolen from us, before he got beaten badly a couple months ago by people he owed money to, before those same pushers put glue into the locks of my apartment building and the top lock of my and my grandmother's apartment, which co-incided with his going to detox and not being around when this bullshit happened...I wonder if this all could have been averted a long time ago. But no matter. I hope he gets his shit together, but after being a victim and witness to his bullshit as an addict, I'm not waiting around for it.

There's something else that offends me as well. The subject of forgiveness. I understand why it is necessary. I feel that family forces it on you without allowing you to work through your pain, just for the sake of having everyone get along. This is something that I cannot abide by. I will not and cannot pretend that I am on good terms with someone when I'm not. I will not and cannot pretend that everything is cool btw myself and someone when I haven't forgiven them yet, and having it talked about around me gives me the idea that the idea is being crammed into my throat, and I don't take well to others' ideas being forced on me.

Family needs to deal with their shit, not brush it under a rug and think that love will make everything better and the bad times will just go away. Nothing ever "goes away", and to not resolve it weak and does nothing but breed resentment and contempt for fellow members. No matter how much you love someone, you cannot love their addiction away. In the end, the addict has to decide whether they want to get clean or spend the rest of their lives strung out. Now, if you want to really help the person, get them in a program. Do not enable the addict. Any type of support that doesn't help them to end their addiction does them no good. Sure, you prove your love, but you're telling the addict in the end that you will continue to accept them as they are, when what they are is not only affects them mentally, physically and emotionally, it affect YOU as well.

All Fun and Games...

When did we become a society in which it is okay to be physically and verbally abused and bullied? Why have we become so comfortable with disrespecting each other and with being disrespected? How does not allowing others to be racist just for the sake of being racist via hipster irony suddenly mean that you're soft?

These are questions I asked myself as I had a conversation with a friend last night. There is a chat room we both frequent that recently made it a rule that members will be banned from the room if they spout racism in any way, which includes calling people racial/ethnic slurs. My friend was actually UPSET by this new rule, and basically equated it to the chat moderators becoming "soft".

And this is where we have the conflict. Now, we're both raised in the South Bronx, so "n*gga" is thrown around every 0.2 seconds in a sentence for the most part. Unfortunately it has become a part of our slang, and some people look at it that way to take away the power of the word. But what they don't realize is that words have different meanings to different people. It may not have as much effect on a brother from the block who isn't racially and culturally sensitive, but to a brother who's from the South, has experienced racism more, and is more racially and culturally sensitive, what makes you think he's not angered hearing and being addressed by that word not only from a bigot, but from his own people as well? And also, when you step out of the bubble that is your neighborhood, there ARE other races who just MIGHT be more racially aware than YOU, who don't feel comfortable with you addressing others and yourself as an ethnic slur, and wonders why the fuck YOU feel so comfortable with it. Ever thought of THAT???

Probably not. And it's your limited thinking that will be your downfall.

To be continued.

Still too guarded. Still too selfish. Always thinking of no one but yourself. Doubting. Unsure. Uncertain. Weak. What is wrong with you, you cunt?!

Bah, the rain always puts me in a contemplative, down mood. Leaves me vulnerable to all the doubts and fears I have. I need to get better at the Glad Game.

I have to re-tweak my workout to include abs and core work, and more glute focus. My legs are bigger than my ass. Ay, no bueno!

I've been mulling over this idea for the longest. I'm gonna keep a workout progress report on this random blog. May include pics if I'm brave enough. Cheerio!

A Hidden Contagion

Do you or someone you know suffer from a condition known as "Attention Succubus Syndrome"?

Yes. While this term was created by me right at this moment, it's a condition that's been around for YEARS, but has cases have been steadily on the rise since the dawn of social networking on the internet. The symptoms range from making large ambiguous status messages on social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace, dumping a whole BUNCH of clusterfucks, stories, and emotions on the unfortunate bystander who happens to offer their time to help said sufferer, and going against sound advice from said poor bystander, making them feel like they have lost minutes from their life that cannot be salvaged.

Judging from these symptoms, is there someone out there you know who is suffering from Attention Succubus Syndrome? Maybe....someone you know PERSONALLY?

This disease, if left unchecked, is proven to be a silent killer of even the best of friendships. So, it seems that task of making this disease know to the public is mine, and thus, here I am.

I am here passing on what I believe will be helpful information to you all out there, because I fell prey to someone who exhibited symptoms of Attention Succubus Syndrome. They made a status update on Facebook that just screamed, "Someone please read this and inquire about me!", and, sure enough, I took the bait. I let this person unload all of these so-called "revelations" about a friend I've known for quite some time, and I was told some shocking and what's proven to be, relationship-altering things, about said friend. So I did my best to console her, and to help her move on with her life, so on and so forth, and it's been about maybe a month or two after said revelations were dropped on my lap. And guess what's happened?

They're back to being the bestest of friends.

As if just a month or two ago, this person didn't feel that my friend took advantage of them, forced sex from them, and put them through an enormous amount of emotional stress.

I look at this and I wonder....Why the fuck did you waste my time spewing all these negative feelings about this person when all it would take was a long talk and an apology for things to go back like they were?!! Why tell me shit, have me waste time I could've used talking to my man AND my woman giving YOU support, comfort, and giving what advice/counsel I could for you to use, for you to just do the OPPOSITE?!!

Sigh.

So, my fellow citizens, for your peace of mind, if you know someone who has Attention Succubus Syndrome, do yourself a favor, and put that person in their place. Only good can come of you telling them of the disease they have so they may take steps to receiving treatment.

As for me, I have this to say. If you come to me to discuss a certain issue or problem and are not ready to even ponder a solution to said issue/problem, or if you're looking for a solution that is less bumpy, please don't waste my goddamn time. I'm not in the art of enabling people to be victims to their own weaknesses. I don't expect anyone to allow me to be that way, therefore, do not expect me to do so for you. And if you're not ready for what will most likely be a hard road ahead on the path of change, again, I beg you, DON'T. Waste. My fucking time.

I understand that most times, we all need to vent, rant, and let off steam/burdens from our shoulders. But, know that at some point, the person who is giving you their ear/shoulder is going to want to help you get to a solution. Maybe it won't come fast. Maybe it will. I know that I'm definitely one who doesn't enjoy seeing my friends suffer, and will do my best to help my friend come to some sort of resolution for their problem, but if you're just going to throw away what I've said and the time I took to be there for you, just because you're afraid to let go of this person, just leave me out of it. To see this does nothing but take your feelings and what you've told me with the smallest grains of salt, not to mention you will lose A LOT of my respect.

This is Dr. Minkia Jetset, and I approve of this message.

Another dose of "Random Rambles"

Oh, yea...I forgot to mention that I found my BB Curve. In my gym bag. Yea....this is what happens when you try to plan ahead, kids!

Also, I'm never one to flat out say that one's religion is totally unnecessary and that the world would be better off without it, but Islam and being a Muslim?

Yea. That's a man made religion that does nothing more than promote misogyny and gives people license to take the lives of others over some fanatical interpretation of "holy text".

Something just came around....

I can't find this goddamned BB Curve, and it pisses me off.

It pisses me off because I can't remember if I placed it back on my laptop before going to sleep last night.

I'm pissed because I left my door open a crack to get a little more air circulating in my room so I wouldn't bake to death last night. And because I did that, I don't know if my room was violated once again by my piece of shit supposed uncle.

I know life gives and takes and all, but goddammit, I actually liked that phone. I thought I appreciated having it, but I guess Lord Karma saw something inside me lacking and is adamant on teaching me a lesson. So yea. It seems I have no choice but to ride this out and see what it teaches me. But where am I lacking? Humility? Am I too judgmental? Selfish? Self-centered?

I'm not sure what the lesson is, but...the punishment feels quite potent.

Dose of Randomness 6/21

The Lords of Karma have come for me.
I have a HUGE DEBT to pay for not cleaning my room.
My beloved BB Curve is trapped in the Negative Zone which is my room, and I must wage war, BLOODY WAR, to get it back.

Also, I cut my hair again. Extremely shorter than the last time. It will take much time to grow back, but it's hot, and I'm lovin' it! I'll be looking SHARP for my high school 90s reunion this Saturday night.

Also, I'm bi.

Yes, I said it. Now (learn to) eat it, like me.

Lost in the Mist, can see my way through....

I just feel like I"m in a fog right now.

Mental fog, if you will.

It's probably because I'm attempting too much at once, which is usually followed by me burning out and going into a fog, hole, if you will.

Gym workout wasn't going to well last week. Have been back since Wednesday.
Stressed out about my eating habits.
I'm too tired/lazy/stressed to cook dinner when I get home.
I'm very unfocused and unmotivated right now.

I need to snap out of this, it's keeping me from getting shit done.

Plans for the Year

So, my girl and I were having a discussion about education. It dawned on me that if I want to live anywhere outside the US, I'd really need that bachelor's. Damn it all. Then I thought, why not just build on what I'm doing now, so I can get a better position for better money possibly? And, on top of that, have the 4-yr credentials to do it anywhere, nationally and internationally?

BANG.

So, I'm going to look into Berkeley College. I'm an office worker, an admin assistant, though I do much more than that. I could build up those skills so I can support myself better, and support my love, drawing, and possibly become more proficient in my other love, the Japanese language.

So, what about the timeline?

I've just sent off a request for information on Berkeley for Business Administration. If it's possible for me to get back for the Fall 2010 semester, that would be awesome, but if not, the smart thing would to go for Spring 2011. I kinda feel that Fall 2010 would be rushing it, but we'll see how it goes once I have the information I need.

Now, about that art thing...correspondence courses? I think that's still the general idea. I saw two peeps of mine who are in the art/comics field last week. Got my resolve going. Can't give up. I'll figure out what to do with this gift somehow. I just wonder if I should be in a class setting or go ahead with the correspondence courses. I'll be making up my mind about that soon; if I can find some non-credit courses and fit them into my schedule or even on the weekends, that would work big time.

So, that's the 'plan' so far. Also, I'll finally, FAAAIIIIINALLY, will be rid of my old SEARS debt by March. That's right, screw paying 100/month. I've got it down to a good amount that two payments of 260 and change will get this burden off my back. The c-note I send to THEM can go in my SAVINGS account. YIPPIE!!

Yes. There. These are all good plans, and I'm stickin' by them. Wish me luck.

Random Ramblings...gotta get it out....

Hmm. Why no response?

Are you overly busy?

Do you need space?

Am I a fucking mind-reader?

Or maybe I expect too much....but yet when nobody hears anything from me, people feel that I've withdrawn from them.

Is there a thing such as asking too much?

Are you trying to test me, to see what I will do, over YOUR expectations on how I 'should' act?

I really hate when people 'TEST' you. I'm not a fucking lab animal, goddammit.

You want me to reach out to you, and you want me to come to you, but then when I do, you make yourself unavailable. Hmm....

Or...maybe I'm demanding too much emotionally. It would kinda help if I knew what was going on. Nobody's responding to me when I IM or text them. And I REFUSE to be the bad guy and nag the fuck out of people...just so they can call me needy or clingy or whatever.

I know that you should give your partner space....sometimes, they won't be available to talk to you all the time. So...good thing this blog's here to get all this insecure shit out of me. It just feels weird after staying in contact all the time.

Heh.

Oh well. Gotta get ready for work and gym in the morning.